According to Webster’s New World dictionary, a cougar is “a large powerful tawny-brown cat with a long slender body and a long tail; puma; mountain lion”. Now for the slang definition: “A woman over 35 who dates a man at least 10 years her junior.” (I’ve also heard the definition refer to women over 40 or even over 30.)

I dated a guy 10 years my junior once. I wasn’t 35 yet so I wasn’t technically a “cougar” – “cougette”, maybe. What do they say these days… cougar in training? I’ve seen the t-shirts. If that’s the case, I dropped out of training because I never dated that young again. And the relationship (if you want to call it that) lasted all of 4 months. Regardless, during the time I dated this man, neither of us felt the need to draw attention to our difference in years, make meaning of it, nor categorize it with significance. We were both over “jail bait” age, so everything was cool.

Men have been doing this for ages. 10 years younger is nothing. Try 15, 20, 25 years younger or more. No one has ever labeled them as anything, except maybe – smart. Women do it and suddenly a label is attached. Cougar. Have you ever seen a cougar up close? Neither have I. However, I saw fresh paw prints in the hills of Williams, Oregon last year. One paw print is about the size of an adult human head. I wouldn’t want to get in a cougar’s way. It could hurt me, kill me and surely want to eat me. And we have this label for a woman? My point is: Why “cougar”? Why not “Siamese”? Those are pretty smart cats. Or, just – “smart”. Or, no label at all. Just an older woman doing her thang! Why are we still making less of a woman for her decisions to do exactly what men have been doing for centuries? I watched a movie called Cougar Club the other day. Terrible film – God bless the actors. Anyway, the women were shown as highly oversexed, overly done up, over kill females that young men were slightly afraid of – yet simultaneously these same men were intrigued enough to want to have sex with them.

Not too long ago, I polled a few 20, 30 and 40-something men around Los Angeles from all walks of life. And the lion’s share of them finds the term cougar – “funny” while seeing cougar women as a little “scary” because they’re in a sense “pouncing” on men in order to “get with them”. Furthermore these very same men relayed that they may have sex with this type of woman but would never take them seriously for anything long-term. Interesting. Most described having any type of relationship with a cougar as a novelty. Their explanation: The majority of men want a woman who is younger – not much older. (Although, I was told most don’t mind just a few years older.) And if you’re dating older, the woman better be pretty “hot”. The main distinction with these particular men is if a cougar is hitting on them, the mindset is take what you can get from the big cat and get out of there. Again, while some of them were intrigued, they were sort of fearful at the same time. One gentleman frankly said, “Either way you cut it, it’s a negative term. Doesn’t mean men still won’t go for cougars, but they know the extent of where it will go… It’s not a respectful term, and we know it.” Hmmm…

There’s a pilot in the works called Cougar Town. Stay tuned… or not.

Take care of yourselves and each other,
Daydree

Filed under: LIFE by myoshun